Earlier today, I was checking my FB as usual, and one of my FB friends uploaded a snippet of the video documentary Dark Girls, which will be released in theaters later this year (hopefully). I have heard this documentary many times, but I have not taken a look at it until now. This eye-opening documentary features several Black women who discussed the battles they go through every day being dark-skinned women. As we all know, the media unfairly has the power to choose what is beauty and what is not for the target audience. And there are few dark-skinned women in the entertainment industry who are chosen to represent something that is deeper than their own race. The women in this documentary discussed their social life barriers regarding self-esteem, dating, sex appeal toward men, and most of all, their dignity as women.
After watching a snippet piece of the documentary, I thought to myself, This was interesting, but it is the heart of sorrow. It was interesting because these beautiful women decided to break their silence and were bold enough to be up-close and honest about how they really feel, and I honored that. However, it was sorrowful to hear the truth because the truth hurts what they said out of their mouth. After reviewing the preview, I felt in my spirit and my heart I wanted to take action on this controversial issue. I prayed, and I asked and prayed to God to have his way before I wrote anything on this blog. This blog isn’t just to touch on this subject, but I want to grip it to uplift this subject. Because for every problem there is a solution. But it is up to the person if they want to solve the problem.
I have dealt with this issue up close and personal. I have heard many times that light-skinned people were beautiful, smart, and most of all, more acceptable than dark-skinned people. It happened during slavery, of course, but it is still happening in today’s society, especially in Hollywood. Racism is still up and running, but it is used in various strategies compared to several decades ago. I have seen it in my own family. I remember it touched me wholeheartedly to see my older sister in her younger years cope with this struggle, crying back home from school after her schoolmates ridiculed her on the bus because of her dark-skin complexion. I wonder why people are so crude? Why are people being derogatory to those that God beautifully created and using them to make the world sweeter? One unique thing about God is that he doesn’t always reveal answers on our time, but in his time that is useful.
Self-Esteem. Self-esteem is perhaps the number one stumbling block that women, specifically Black women, have to encounter. What I have learned about women in my 20+ years of living, as well as being raised in a predominantly women household, is that they want to feel important. Women want to be loved, they want to be taken care of, and they just want to feel good. Who doesn’t want to feel loved or important? But the problem is many don’t know how to look in the mirror at themselves and say, What do I do? I think about myself.? I feel that Black women, particularly, live in a curse of not honoring themselves. It should be a curse for a woman to ask a man, “Am I pretty?” or “Am I fine?” because what God says is already spoken.
Solution. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” -Psalms 139:13-14. With that said, when you were born, even in your mother’s womb, God knew that you were wonderfully & fearfully made. God makes no mistakes. . . . If I made a mistake, would you give up on God, like he said he never would to you?
Relationship Courtship/Sex Appeal. I could continuously go on about this problem. But I’m going to make this brief. Courting or dating/sex appeal is the most common issue for Black women and women period. In this generation we live in, we live in a society where sex is comfortable to be discussed and open to be taken advantage of. Like I said earlier, women want to be loved. They want to feel important, and they want to feel that somebody cares about them. But, there is a fine line to know how to love yourself instead of having someone else do the loving for you. In the documentary a guy was interviewed stating he doesn’t want to date dark-skinned women. And guess what? That’s his choice. It sounds ignorant, but women can’t feel bad because of what one man says about a group of people. Honestly, those kinds of men will never enjoy their love life because they are being led by their emotions, by what feels good. It’s like men want to drink a half-glass, then be done with it, then move on to the next. Many times as well in today’s society, women are doing the searching or man hunting for men that they feel want them, but unfortunately, all I have to say is… (Normally don’t say this.) Good luck, because when your search is being led by your emotions, you are bound to be heartbroken or left behind.
Solution #2. Know your limits. Stand your ground. As a woman, especially a single woman out there, you are made to be not only a nurturer but also a strong figure. Many times women get heartbroken because it’s how they allow men to come into their lives untouched without warning or security. As a man, I can honestly say that a man can’t go any deeper (intimacy) if a woman chooses to stand firm to say “no” or “it’s not going down.” If he is not willing to respect the dignity you have for yourself, then it is time to show him the door. He can only go further if you let him. If you are not representing yourself in honor and grace, a man will have an advantage to control you that will be a reflection of darkness. Instead, delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you all your desires. You want a man that wants a full glass, who truly loves you for who you are, not only how you look or carry yourself, but just how you stand out being yourself.
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, about how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things and how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, about how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, like how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” – 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.
Your dignity role as a woman. This to me is an important issue that was displayed in this snippet documentary. It saddens me to hear that dark-skinned women are identified as ugly or not useful for sociable society. It’s not fair, but guess what? It does not have to be true. Many women don’t know their role because they are insecure about who they are. Many women are around or raised in an environment where people speak tongues of negativity that can become detrimental toward a woman while they grow up. Once they become grown, they try to find other ways that they think will help them heal their wounds of their past. However, they are finding themselves hurting even more from what they are doing. Many women are insecure because they have no guidance. They have no one to sit down to tell the truth behind what is reality and what is fantasy. This is the point where it has to stop. “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33.
Solution #3. Your dignity as a woman, to me, is far from beauty, far from how you are shaped, and far from how you talk. It’s your purpose and how you carry yourself. Your role as a woman is more than a nurturer for our kids and your man, but also a helper because men don’t always have themselves together, and we need that push. Women are meant to be honored and supportive. Women should not play in relationships as the sidekick or main girl. You are the equate for us men, to support us and to uplift us as well when we feel though we cannot make it! To break the chains of obscurity, you have to change your surroundings. You need to stop being around people who are being detrimental, breaking down your character as a woman. God wants to move you to another position and to murder what is killing you mentally, physically, and most of all spiritually. But he cannot kill something if you continue to allow it to be alive or revived. God wants to replace those people who have spoken words of hate and hurt with people who will speak words of wisdom and healing. But it is up to you who you want to surround yourself with. God wants nothing but the best for you.
To sum it all up. I am praying for these women who feel they are not socially accepted for what the media wants them to be. And the truth is, you can’t be what the media wants you to be because God made a purpose when he created you. God made you dark-skinned because he sees a purpose he has for you. Who knows? Sooner or later, there will be an actress or entertainer who will break the barriers, allowing dark-skinned women to be accepted on our entertainment set. The main point is, God is using you so he can use your story of everyday struggles so you can help someone overcome what you’ve been through!
I want to encourage you women not to put faith in man. It’s ok to believe someone due to their being secure and trustworthy, but never ever put faith in them like they will never be flawed, because they are prone to make mistakes. Always know that God wants to be first and alone. He wants you to cry for him so that he can only heal your hurt away. You need to know that men, as well as people and friends, will come and go. Some are here for seasons, weeks, months, or maybe years.
But most of all, I want you women who are dealing with lack of self-worth to begin loving yourself by honoring yourself. You need to start praying and seeking God and ask him, “What is wrong with me?” and “Why do I feel this way?” During those times of prayer is when God wants to talk to you as well. It is not an overnight sensation, but it is a process. Continue to walk with him and pick it up, and he’ll show you many colors of circumstances you’re going through. When you stay obedient and trust what God CAN do and what he says he will do, he’ll have your heart locked down toward him. As a result, you will honor yourself as the woman God destined you to be. I encourage you to wrap your arms to make an intimacy declaration of what God says is for you, and what the media and the people that are around you will not have authority over, because you refuse to be shaken by words of pessimistic outcome. I encourage you women not to live by limitation; thus, there are no limits because you are more abundant than you could ever imagine! You can no longer live your life with fear, anxiety, and limitations in order to be what God created you to be. So what if a guy does not catch your attention? You will like to be; God finds another way how he uses other people to uplift you first. He put people in your life to surround you and to uplift you so that you will actually feel that you are the best anyone should meet! One of the fruits of the spirit is long-suffering. However, it is up to you to be willing enough to get up and fight the good fight. Are you more than a pretty person, which the media thinks you are not? Are you willing to stand up to say what God says you “are—”beautifully and fearfully” made?
So I encourage you all, women of different shapes and different shades of color, that you are precious! You are God’s greatest gift that no man can deny to live alone. It sickens me in the Black community that we have to battle this issue that we have no control over how we were produced from our parental seeds. However, I am going to pray and declare that this will eventually be dealt with, because God is able! It is just us that is in his way when he’s ready to make a shift in our corner.
To the women in this documentary and as well who are facing these similar struggles, I want to tell you this is just a long suffering you are going through, but eventually it will be met when you continue to wait in God’s timing. I have seen you battered, I have seen you abused vulgarly, abused physically, and I have seen you initially overlooked by the ones who were supposed to be by your side. But I want you to know that even though you are bruised, you are NOT broken. It is not how it looks in the beginning, but how it looks in the end! Be encouraged, and seek God, because he is the only one who can mend a broken heart. He wants to put you back together, but you have to be willing to give him all the pieces of yourself to make you feel whole.
Stay encouraged, keep your head up in Christ, and never look down because he is above. He is the head, not the tail. Before I end this blog, despite what the media thinks about you, I decided to share with you what God says about you and what he really thinks about you.
What Does God Say About You?
“Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.” -Isaiah 43:4.
“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” -Song of Solomon 4:7
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. -1 Peter 2:9
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” -Psalm 139:13-14
“Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.” -Isaiah 43:4
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4
(C) 2011 TeR e Rucks All Rights Reserved
Transcend. Eminence. Renaissance. 
Leave a comment