“So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.” –Matthew 20:16 KJV
There are many benefits in being the first. Everyone wants to be first; everyone wants to be chosen as number one, whether it would it be playing for the winning team who won the championship as the last team standing or winning a talent showcase in front of the whole world as the number one entertainer for the moment; everyone wants to be praised for accomplishing the clear cut conclusion of being number one. But there is a process of agony, failure, frustration of challenges to complete first. This is the case of the nice guy finish last.
I was raised to be a man of excellence growing up. I have had charisma and potential to be different from my peers, which was incredibly challenging and frustrating emotionally to embrace it for myself. I dressed up in suits and ties in school, I was one of the tallest students in class, and I didn’t talk with a soul of a black man like my own male peers in school, but I knew there was something unique about myself that I did respect. Being around with older peers, engaging in insightful conversations,and wise counsel helped me to mature, to be a chivalrous and deliberate man with an old soul in a young man’s body. Throughout High School and College, my peers teased me for how I carried myself as a gentleman. It seemed that no matter what courageous act I did, my courageous conduct was notnotice to the opinions of my own peers. There were polluting thoughts I have meditated in anxiety. Should I be aggressive? Should I be arrogant? Should I be less conscious of myself? Should I lose my moral characteristics to compromise this theory that “nice guys finish last”?
After the breakup of my last relationship, I began seeking the Lord for revelations about myself. The Lord began to minister to me about my uniqueness and allowed me to take one step at a time with the help of the Holy Spirit to solidify my confidence. God has input me gifts to express myself in many ways as well creatively. The Lord then instructed me to read and research the fruits of the Spirit (Reference Galatians 5:22-23). As I studied each fruit of the Spirit, the fruits of “Goodness and Kindness” stood out to me. Although goodness and kindness may have simplistic definitions, there were deep-rooted revelationsbetween these two words. Goodness is to represent fullness of fruitfulness, usefulness, abundance, and fairness. Goodness is to step up, and to speak out against unfairness. The synonym wordsfor goodness are virtuous, rectitude, and righteousness. Kindness is supplying the wants of others or aiding them in distress; having tenderness or goodness of nature; benevolent; benignant. The synonym words for kindness is gentleness, affection, goodwill. These are the advantages of a nice guy.
Why Nice Guys Are Misunderstood?
Nice guys are misconstrued because many take kindnesses for weakness. For the past several decades, society portrays nice guys as “dorky, weak, and non-attractive”, while the mainstream picture real men as “muscular work-out enthusiastic, flirty, and prideful”. Nice guys are misunderstood because many of them are not admired for being flamboyant, therefore; many are left alone, abandoned from the majority as outcasts and anomalous. In relationships, nice guys are confounded because many arejudged and are expected for lack of spark interest for women take them seriously. Some ladies are normally attracted to men who very expressive and take action; and at times, the men who are very expressive and action oriented to attract women are men with corrupt character. However, there is hope in being a nice guy and profound traits on what makes him an unsung leader to lead in relationships.
He is Visionary
Without a vision, the people perish. Nice guys are men of introspective. A nice guy is not blessed by God for his intelligence for nothing; there is a cause and a reason God designed him how he processes his thoughts. For a woman, A nice guy does not want a cheap thrill, he wants the real thingthat he is joyfully proclaims a woman as his good thing. As a visionary, this man thinks first before he speaks. Just because some men are a man of few words, does not mean he is silent what he wants to express. It may take some time for some men to speak up to really express what he wants to say, because he is careful what he speaks. Words are Spirit, what words are released out of his mouth cannot be taken back. Nice guys are also highly creative. They are very detailed-oriented to be consistent. Nice guys are organized, they plan for long-term for a woman to a long-term stay, not a one-night stand.
He Is A Great Listener
Due to popular opinions from the mainstream worldview, many nice guys are labeled as an introvert. Even if some are quiet or not, do not mistaken his calmness for inferiority. Nice guys are great listeners because they value the importance to hear and apprehend what you are saying. As I stated earlier, a man’s intelligence to articulate, is to be used to process a woman’s desire what she values what is important to her to share. A nice guy has the will, determination and pleasure to hear someone’s story that will stimulate his conviction to be tender hearted and merciful that leads to this next important trait.
He is Conscientious
A nice guy is a man of conscientiousness. The definition of conscientiousness is defined as the quality of wishing to do one’s work or duty well and thoroughly. The synonym words for conscientiousness are industrious, sedulous, meticulous, and punctilious. This is the trait that makes a nice guy stand out, if not more important. A nice guy is conscious for the ones he loves dearly. A conscientious man is a man who is studious. He has the openness and undeniable will to learn and sees every detail of a woman he is interested; because, he knows that every fact about a woman is the salient piece of truth that makes her worthy to be pursued. A man of conscientiousness is willing to stand up to bang his head on the wall for others to be a courageous man. Do not be surprised if this man is overly critical of himself when things do not go right. He always has the heart to do things correctly thoroughly! Sometimes he may joke on himself of his imperfections. A nice guy is very fond to understand a woman’s craving for quality time as well affection, being emotionally stable to withstand and strengthen a long-term relationship and marriage later down the road. Recent studies reported that men who have a conscientious personality are prone to have great long term relationships as well a well-fulfilling sexual relationship in marriage; because, a conscientious man sees the needs of a person as a responsibility to fulfill, to multiply, to grow, to give an exchange that is fruitful and meaningful in support than a just a reward for his own ego, in comparison.
Before I conclude this article, I want to edify all men as well younger men, who has been rejected for being a nice guy. Understand that rejection and being misunderstood is part of life. Even the great ones like Jesus was rejected by the ones who knew him best. In the end, the greatest victory is the tenacity to move forward and be resilient against all odds and oppression of pessimism. Here are the following counsels for you men to be encouraged to value yourself in your dating life and for the women to understand and support the build-up of a man.
You Are Your Own Man
Nice guy, you are your own man designed in the image of the one and only true divine God of Heaven. God has breathed life unto you to live, take dominion and to process your soul; your mind, and emotions with wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. You are given free will and the great weight of responsibility to take care yourself, understand your strengths, your gifts, for those who need your compliments. Give yourself a chance. You are worthy to God to trust yourself. You are authentic and original. The way you talk, the way you walk, the way you organize the processes of your thoughts and words are only defined by you. Honor how God designed you from your Mother’s womb.
Be accurate! Nice guy, you are called to be visionary, intelligent, insightful and logical not to keep it for your own self but to sow excellent value in best interest for others. You are blessed to be discerning and conscious to know the details. To attract the woman of your vision, it is important to be studious. The word says, “Love never fails”, but it takes productivity, labor, and study for love to persevere and endure. Study your woman. Every information you gather about her, is the essential element to build the foundation of her existence. Be excited to learn and ask questions. Be open for accuracy; use the information and knowledge you have obtain to be practical and creative to stabilize yourself and your relationship.
The waiter who keeps his composure after being cursed out from a customer, is stronger than the one who retaliates and curse back.
Being courageous is not popular, but it has a surprise; to gain great power and authority, to carry heavy weight that many have overlooked to understand. The world we live in is self-seeking for every man for himself, but; it does not change your aims to be courageous. Nevertheless, that is the heart what makes you different from other men as well the popular ones. It takes boldness to be courageous, to live in righteousness, uprightly with integrity is manful. People will try you, lie to you, and betray you to provoke your sanity to be in the state of insanity, but; keep your serenity. Be a man of peace. Your woman will be amazed, and you will gain trust from her to know that you are stable in your soul, that your Spirit will not be crushed for those who oppress with intentions to depress you.
Nice guy do not be thirsty in attention seeking. Do not be thirsty trying hard to crave the attention for the woman of your desires. Nice guy, be patient. Know that you are your own man and you do not have to come out of lane to prove to others who you are. Be who you need to be! Pursing is not forcing to make things happen in your own terms. It is the ability to be patient and govern yourself, to be considerate for the time of others to grow and recognize your potential to see and evaluate and see will they move forward or not. Stay in position and stay humble in God who designed you. He knows the time, place, reason, and season for everything to fall in place logistically. Know your weakness. Your weaknesses are the necessities to give you space, to reflect in developing your character and your prospective to be trustworthy as a leader and the future head of your home. Relationships are a blessing, but the journey for love can be a rollercoaster of emotional intensity, the emotional highs and lows. Discover your process and stage where you are momentarily. Where you are at currently will not stay the same; be open for transformation and transition. Understand this truth, that every experience shapes your expectation. Everything happens for a reason, because nothing new is under the sun. Be patient!
Finally, be merciful and stay merciful nice guy. Mercy is one of the most challenging, if not underrated characteristics in mankind for relationships. There is a great command in being a merciful man due to God’s mercy he has given us. Just as wehave disobeyed and grieved God’s heart for our transgressionsin the past, He still shows us mercy for us to live another day, to see His love for us personally. Nice guy, this is what sets you apart. You are a man of compassion. Mercy is the characteristic that erupts the heart of passion. As you forgive yourself, and meditate God’s mercy upon you, you will love like you never love before. You will solve issues of your relationships in steadfastness because mercy breathes the prospect of possibility. Mercy is indispensable in your relationship with the woman who is your good thing; it is the corroboration to collaborate to excite the fire of harmony as oneness in oneSpirit, one body, and one mindedness. It is not about the quantity of building a relationship, it is about the quality, the depths of the deep by your willingness to dig and search what is tenders your heart. Mercy prepares us and equips us to seek for the deep for ourselves unto others. Stay in the realm of the merciful, keep your peace, because that is what keeps a man kind and beautifully nice!
Gentlemen, keep striving, stay focused, but most importantlystay prayerful. There will be no need to worry about being overlooked anymore; because just in time who was then last hasnow become the first!
(C) Ter E Rucks 2019